on conflicting urges
However. People who write novels for a living are dependent on the outside world. On agents, editors, publishers, marketing people, and most of all, readers. Further, given the situation in publishing, it's rare that an author can sit back and be confident that somebody else is going to make sure the novel gets into the public eye. Publishers don't spend a lot of money on marketing; the internet is full of stories from wailing authors on good books that sank beneath the waves without a peep because of low or no budget marketing plans.
Thus the conundrum. I am uncomfortable in public. I suffer huge anxiety when I have to read publically (though strangely enough, when I was a professor I could lecture to 300 students without a pang). I really don't like book tours. In spite of all these things, I still hold some part of the responsibility for making my work visible -- like it or not.
You might be wondering why I want to be invisible, but that's a very complex question, and one I'm not going to try to answer just now. What I can say is, this basic conflict between what is comfortable for me and my responsibilities towards my own work is something that has been addressed, at least in part, by this weblog.
When I started out, I had no idea if the weblog would make any difference in bringing readers to the books, or not. But I do get a lot of mail from readers and a a lot of questions, and so I thought there was some room for me to reach out, in this limited way. If a few more people became aware of the books, great. If not, it was (and remains) an interesting experience. I had no illusions that somehow writing a few paragraphs a day would cause the novels to shoot up the best seller list, and I am just as happy to have people who like the blog but have no interest in the novels come by. When I am out in public and I have to answer questions about my books, I always make sure to let people know that I will not be in the least upset if they never read any of my work. And I really, truly mean that.
Which is part of the problem. I am happy when somebody writes to say they read the books and have enjoyed them, but I don't worry much about sales, except in a fairly concrete way. Such as: hey, there's something else I can do for a living when the books stop selling or I stop writing. Clearly, I am not a born salesperson.
So your answers about how you got here are enlightening and interesting, in an academic sort of way. I'm really not looking for unconditional praise or global assurances. I may never write a book that gets to the best seller list, and while I can't say that's fine -- of course I'd like that, who wouldn't? I can say that I'm easy if it doesn't happen.
I'll get back to the unanswered questions from last week next time.