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beware the cranky patient
I'm still sick. Damn virus. One of those sneaky ones that seems to retreat and then wham, clamps down again. But here I am for a few minutes anyway. To complain about viruses, and while I'm at it:
1. vampires. Really, hasn't this been done enough? Can we leave the undead to deal with each other for a while? I understand the concept of deep fears and how they have to be exorcized on a regular basis, but really.
2. Double Stuff Oreos, which my daughter insists on buying. Can we leave the classics alone, would that be possible? These abominations are way too sweet, and I'm too sick to be sitting here disassembling Oreos to scrap off excess Stuff.
3. Iceland novels. In graduate school I was forced to take Old Iceland, and so I admit, I went in there with a bad attitude which may be responsible. But be that as it may (what a strange turn of phrase, come to think of it): I have no interest in huge historical novels set in dark, cold places where people tell stories about Thor and Freyr and Coyote-in-Disguise: Loki. So this new historical novel that's got such high praise? No. I don't care that Booklist loves it. I don't care that I should read it for purely professional reasons. I've read lots of historical novels written about places and times that did't originally interest me, but here I draw the line.
No.
4. dopey turns of phrase, or: put down the stick. "More tension than you can shake a stick at." What does this mean? What stick are we talking about? Is it some stick that gets passed around to people who have something to say, like a Talking Object at a consciousness awareness gathering? If so, why haven't I had my turn? And if not, why would you be shaking a stick at tension anyway? How does this work, I'm wondering. You stand in the middle of an open space, shake the stick at the sky and shout: Damn you Tension!
I think we should drop the stick thing. Immediately.
Except I have to say that all this talk about putting down the stick has reminded me of Put Down the Duckie, that classic piece of ensemble musical genius that I used to dance around the room to with my daughter when she was very little. Put Down the Ducky might help me out of this mood, but you know what? I have no idea where that VHS tape is, and you can't buy the song from iTunes (and why not? is this some kind of ageism thing?) and so I'll just have to make due with the lyrics before I go off to my sick bed.
Ernie: Excuse me, Mr. Hoots I hate to bug a busy bird But I want to learn the sax And I need a helpful word I always get a silly squeak When I play the bluesHoots: Ernie, keep your cool
I'll teach ya how to blow the sax
I think I dig your problem
It's rubber, and it quacks
You'll never find the skill you seek
Till you pay your duesYou gotta put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
Yeah, you gotta leave the duck alone
You gotta put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
If you wanna play the saxophone!You didn't hear a word I said
You gotta get it through your head
Don't be a stubborn cluck
Ernie, lay aside the duck!
I've learned a thing or two
From years of playing in a band
It's hard to play a saxophone
With something in your hand
To be a fine musician
You're gonna have to face the factsThough you're blessed with flying fingers
When you wanna wail, you're stuck
What good are flying fingers
If they're wrapped around a duck?
Change the toy's position
If you wanna ace the sax!You gotta put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
Yeah, you gotta leave the duck alone
You gotta put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
If you wanna play the saxophone!Don't have to put it on a train
Don't have to wash it down the drain
Don't have to lock it in a drawer
Don't have to shove it out the door
Don't have to stuff it in your pocket
Or send it flyin' in a rocket!
Don't have to get it out of town!
Ernie, put the quacker down!You gotta put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
Yeah, you gotta leave the duck alone
You gotta put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
Put down the duckie
If you wanna play the saxophone!
November 20, 2005 09:05 AM
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Comments
I remember this song!!! And I still sing the old counting song from Sesame Street - the one with the pinball machine!
Posted by: Marg at November 20, 2005 11:41 AM
I've, I mean me and the kids have the song. It can be found on the "Sesame Street Platinum: All-Time Favorites" CD.
Posted by: Anne at November 20, 2005 12:52 PM
Anne, Marg: good women, both. If I could drag myself to the mall, I would procure a copy of my own. I really would. Best would be if I could find the segment on DVD, because you know, Danny Devito dancing to Put the Ducky Down would make anybody laugh.
Posted by: Sara Donati at November 20, 2005 12:58 PM