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resolved
Paperback Writer's cats have a list of new year's resolutions. My dogs, Tuck and Bunny, also have an ongoing list which they regularly revise and present to me. Here is the current version.
1. We will stop raiding the laundry for dirty underwear and then galloping through the house dragging it behind us, no matter how deliciously peoplish it might smell.
2. If unwashed human underwear should appear by magic on one of our beds, we will not tear it apart while we are luxuriating in its scenty goodness. Nor will we play tug of war with it.
3. Should underwear somehow get torn apart in spite of our best intentions, we will not hide it under the couch and then retrieve it when the house is full of guests.
4. We acknowledge that it is rude of us to sit and stare when the people are eating Meat. If the people will likewise acknowledge that it's rude of them to eat Meat without sharing it with us, we will try to stop.
5. No matter how intriguing the smells from the neighbor's stable or how tempting the bits and pieces we find there, we will bring no souvenirs home to share. This includes hoof pairings and dried horse pats, although we want to state for the record that we believe these delicacies to be an acquired taste, if only our people would make an effort.
6. As it is so distressing to the mom, we will stop absconding with the tissue box and systematically distributing shredded tissues over the entire house.
7. We will not monopolize the couch or the good pillows on the bed. If we forget about this resolution, we will not slink away looking abused and unloved when our people remind us.
8. When out walking and competing with each other to be the first to mark every bush, rock and tree, we will not get carried away and pee on each other as well.
9. When the nice people in local shops offer us nasty old dried out bargain basement dog treats, we will not pee on those, either.
10. We resolve not to fornicate
with the George W. Bush voodoo doll
unless our people are present
to enjoy the performance.
October 6, 2005 12:02 AM
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Comments
I love #3. And I would consider myself lucky if my dog merely brought home dried dung. Darcy likes nothing more than to roll in fresh cow paddies.
Posted by: sarandipity at October 6, 2005 08:05 AM
I am glad there is someone else out there who anthropomorphisizes(sp?) her dogs. This piece made me laugh out loud, especially #7 (and #'s 8,9, and 10).
Posted by: sara g at October 6, 2005 10:11 AM
Not having dogs, I read it and said "what on earth?" - but still a good laugh.
Posted by: Pam at October 7, 2005 04:46 PM
Loved this list of doggie resolutions! My won hound has a standing invitation to join me when I go for coffee at the neighbors' even though the first thing she does is race up to their bedroom to search for underwear. Sports bras are the epitome of scenty goodness. :)
Posted by: Jena at October 9, 2005 08:30 AM
How about the doggy "how to win friends and influence people" (subtitle "how to win food").
Our dog will go straight from breakfast to sit on the lawn where she knows full well half the neighbourhood will pass by, take pity on her mournful expression and return forthwith bearing some forbidden snack. The next door neighbour even has a special tin of biscuits just for her. (And not doggy biscuits either).
Posted by: Alison at October 9, 2005 05:08 PM