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today my daughter is sixteen
Sixteen years ago today my daughter was born. It was a difficult pregnancy and there were a few times we thought we might lose her. She has ever been a resilient soul, and a challenge of the first order. This last year has been mostly good, with periods of extreme turbulence. We feel our way forward, step by step. She is in such a hurry to be an adult, and sometimes, when the going is rough, we see her point: it would be great to be able to relax. The way I imagine (probably erroneously) we may be a little more relaxed when she's twenty-four, or thirty, or thirty-five. But mostly I wish I could stop time.
When she was very little, as she was in this picture to the left the summer she turned three, I would ask her if she would promise to always sit on my lap, or at least, if she would promise to sit on my lap until she was thirty. And then I could sit on her lap. And she always giggled, not so much at the idea that she would be big enough to hold me on her lap (although now that is somewhat funnier than it was then), but at the idea that a day would come when she wouldn't want to be that close to me. Where my lap wouldn't be inviting.
Of course that day came. She is sixteen. She wishes she were taller, and that her hair were straight (a friend spent many hours ironing it for this photo, to the right). She is learning to drive; she is thinking about college. My job now is to embarrass her, in every possible way. I try to live up to my responsibilities, and apparently I do a pretty darn good job.
I'm still hoping that when she's thirty, she'll let me sit on her lap. Or maybe she'll have a daughter who will sit on mine. That would be almost as nice.
May 5, 2005 12:01 AM
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Comments
Hope that your daughter had a lovely birthday. I think that sixteen is such a great age ... there is so much ahead of you. Hope she has many more happy years.
PS. I think curly hair is great ... I always wanted some kind of kink to my hair ... straight hair is so boring.
Posted by: Jacqui at May 5, 2005 02:35 AM
Happy birthday, beautiful young woman; I feel almost like I know you after all these years of reading what your mom says about you. (hair envy. hair envy.)
And as for you, Rosina -- I never realized until I was a mother myself what a big deal birthdays are for moms. So happy sixteenth anniversary of the beginning of your motherhood, and I am right there with you on the stopping time bit. If it's any comfort, when I was sixteen I was pushing myself toward adulthood (and, I thought, away from my parents) as fast as I could -- it was the only year I had any real tension with Mom and Dad -- and now I am thirty, and my mom and I would absolutely sit in each others' laps if the thought occurred to us.
Posted by: Rachel at May 5, 2005 09:47 AM
oooh, Rachel. Thanks. I now have hope.
Posted by: sara at May 5, 2005 10:56 AM
I find it incredibly hard that the only real time I spent with my mother was when I was a teenager. I was so busy proving I didn’t need her guidance and rebelling against her rules that I didn’t stop to listen to what she said to me. The sad thing is that here on “the other side” as I call it in my 20’s I would give anything for her advice.
What do you do when…. How do you cope with…. What if this happens…. But, but, but?
I think it is fair to say that for the next couple of years or so your daughter is going to seem a thousand miles away from you, living in a whole ‘nother world, but have faith because when she pops out into the other side she will need that lap. I know I did and always will from here on out, cos there is nothing like your mum for comfort and advice is there?
Posted by: kaylea at May 5, 2005 07:28 PM
Why is it nobody is ever satisfied with their hair? Appalachia's is straight-straight-straight, and she hates it. She loves curly hair. Me, I love her hair-- but my opinion doesn't count.
Ah well.
Happy sixteen years as a mom and all. From what I've seen you've done a great job.
Posted by: Joshua at May 6, 2005 03:29 PM
Ditto on all, amazing at that age time slows... for us, it just goes by faster, even though it is precious no matter at what speed, go for the lap... a little lightness and humor goes a long way.
Interesting that the grass always looks greener on hte other side...
Amazing how we start seeing through our parents eyes?
Beautiful daughter, EnJOY the time, keep your sense of humor, especially during the teenage, early 20 years. And do not take anything too, personal, they are breaking away to move on to their own lives, just EnJOY...
Posted by: joanna at May 11, 2005 04:54 PM