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when it isn't working: tool kit
(1) read it out loud. It's really amazing how things jump out at you when you try this. Usually I end up striking out whole phrases. I'll read it out loud until it sounds right to my ear. I can even have the computer read it aloud to me, but the intonation is so funny that mostly I save this for when I'm in desperate need of a laugh.
(2) get rid of prepositional phrases. I've found that if a sentence isn't working, it's often because I've stuck too much in it. Five pounds of potatoes in a two pound bag, tra la.
(3) in an extreme case, I print a passage out, and then use a pen to cross out every adjective and adverb, along with every prepositional phrase. What's left? The bones, if there are any. Once I identify those, I can usually figure out what to put back in.
(4) I ask myself the crucial question, which is not so much what happens next but why does this happen next (and following from that) does this need to happen at all?
June 16, 2004 07:00 AM
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